As we continue to discuss the topic of a calloused heart, one of the three things that God taught me about removing the thick layer of bitterness and cynicism that had grown around my heart over the years (it was so thick like the candy coating of a peanut m&m) was something that I like to call the head and heart disconnect.
If you are anything like me, you might find yourself knowing the truth of God in your head, but when it comes to your heart it’s like a foreign language. It’s not computing. For example you know in your mind, when someone cuts you off in traffic, that you are to forgive them, keep your peace, and as a result not react, however in your heart you are so livid and cannot believe the audacity of that person, then you find yourself trying with every ounce in your body not to yell or to react.
God has brought this to my attention on so many occasions in my walk. Due to its familiarity, I have named it; the heart and head disconnect. It is a perfect display of the difference between knowledge and wisdom. I have knowledge in my head on how I should walk in God’s will, but my heart is lacking understanding.
Knowledge is the studying of theory and knowing it in your head, wisdom is the ability to know it in your heart and walk in it. Colossians 1:9 says “we are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding.” So if you also are anything like me, the next question to ask is how do I gain wisdom? How do I get my heart to understand the truth so I can walk in it?
Here are some revelations that God revealed to me about my head and heart disconnect. He told me that the truth of his word could not penetrate into my heart because my heart was calloused. Due to unresolved pain, the layer of bitterness and cynicism around my heart was so thick I could not hear the whisper he was speaking into my heart. Now here is where the light went off for me… He revealed to me that I never gave him that hurt buried deep in my heart under the bitterness and cynicism. He showed me that the hurt was still there even though I couldn’t really feel it anymore. He showed me that I tried to deal with the pain on my own and that I was never designed to handle pain on my own. He designed me for a relationship with him. He designed me to only be healed through him. He allowed the recent experience that triggered the hurt within me to offer the opportunity for him to heal it now.
It’s kind of like when you bump your leg on a table and you bruise yourself and then you accidentally rub up against the bruise later in the day it’s super sensitive. You have completely forgotten about it however the igniting pain was alarming you and reminding you that it is still there. This is how he revealed to me the condition of my heart.
He gently and so lovingly whispered in my heart, I love you and I want to heal you. Will you give me this pain, will you let me carry the burden and release you from it? Will you allow my love to pour over your heart to remove the thick coating and replace it with my love?
When it came to the serious heart and head disconnects issues of my life as it related to the loss of an emotional relationship with my father, I thought I had resolved the situation, but God showed me I did it in my own strength and now it is time for him to do the deep healing and cleansing of my heart that was so necessary.
The next question I found myself asking was how do I allow him to heal my pain, I spent years asking this very question. It took much time going inwards, it took a ton of prayers from my community and studying the word and knowing God’s personality. I was blessed with the best Christian counselor, I owe this woman my life. She prayed over me, she never judged me, she heard my story and asked the right questions. When she prayed over me she would ask me to close my eyes and then she would ask me “Jamie, tell me what do you see?”. I would close my eyes and I kid you not, I would see visions of white paint being poured over my heart. It was cleansing and bringing light to a darkened heart. I felt a burden being released and I felt lighter emotionally. I believe wholeheartedly that if you tell God, I fully surrender and I am ready for you to heal me, you will open the doors to opportunities and relationships that are just waiting for you on the other side of your decision. He lined everything up for me to have the time, space, and the community that I needed to heal.
I have not fully arrived and the more I sought him about the emotional loss in my childhood the more and more he gave me answers and clarity. It is hard to continue to ask questions about topics that bring pain, but my thirst for answers was much bigger than the pain and as a result of asking I got to see another aspect of God’s personality in which I hadn’t seen before. I learned for the first time that I had a father this whole time and I just didn’t know it. More on this second revelation next week.
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.” — Ezekiel 36:26-27
Here are some indicators of a calloused heart;
- Insensitivity Towards Others
- Dry Devotional Time
- Unhealthy Fear
- Sinful Patterns/Feeling Stuck
Check out this article for a more in-depth understanding of these indicators.
My prayer is that we would be inspired to go inwards this week and look at the conditions of our hearts. Are there some symptoms of a calloused heart that may be appearing in our lives? If so I am praying that this week we would like deeper within ourselves to 1) discover and identify the pain 2) root down where the pain started and the lie that introduced us to this pain and lastly 3) what is the truth that counters this lie.
Love in abundance,