Photo by Brooke Lark

At last, we come to the fifth and final step of the healing process that completely healed me from a deeply wounded childhood loss, I call this step ” A new perspective”.

After the euphoric healing and lifting experience, I had participated in that I mentioned in the last post, I truly felt brand new.  It’s kind of like when you work on your health by eating healthier and working out, and after months of your new routine, you try on your old pair of jeans and they fit like a glove. You have a glow that radiates from the inside outwards, a lighter and healthier you.

With the release of toxins that sat on the inside of me for so many years, it lifted a veil and I could now see!

About five years before I experienced this healing I had the most vivid and beautiful dream.  I was in a greenhouse of a beautiful flower garden located on the property of a gorgeous royal castle. (God always speaks to me with castles and flowers) I was sitting at the table and this older gentlemen with white hair and glow that radiated from his face looked down at me ever so lovingly and grabbed my left hand.  I felt a love so powerful, it was extremely overwhelming. I felt like I was floating on clouds.  I looked to my right and there was a “husband-like” figure sitting to my right and he was holding my hand. I couldn’t see his face but I could feel this immense amount of love coming from his hand into mine and then circulating to the older gentlemen. I have searched my whole life to find a family of men that would love me the way I deserved to be loved, unconditionally. I felt like I had a key inside of me and had unlocked the truth of my heart. I found home.  At the time of the dream, I thought God was showing me my future husband and his family, but now I know God was showing me the love of my heavenly father and my husband, Jesus Christ. The love I experienced in that dream was always there and I never knew it.  I literally felt like I was on cloud nine consistently for a week following the dream.

One thing I want to be clear on, God was showing me that there is no human being that could ever replace the Heavenly Father’s love and Jesus’ affection for me.  He designed me to only be filled with their love. An earthly father and husband are gifts to be enjoyed on earth and are extensions of God’s love.  He showed me there is an order to his design, and that he is first and earthly men are second. I now understand why, if I didn’t know God’s love as a father and as a husband, I wouldn’t understand how to navigate broken relationships with earthly men like my father and future husband.  When you don’t know how you are supposed to be treated by the one who defines you, you will place that responsibility on a human being who is broken and was never designed to carry that responsibility. This is the enemy’s playground for destroying earthly relationships.

As a result of this new perspective, God showed me his heart for my dad.  I am choking up right now as I think about it.  He showed me a little boy, so vulnerable, looking at his father as he walked away.  My dad’s father left him as a little boy. God showed me the hurt that little boy was experiencing as a result of this real-life situation for my dad. I could not stop crying as I felt this pain. I remember witnessing my dad one time, fighting back tears ( I never saw him cry) when a dad was telling his son goodbye after him and his wife separated.  It broke my Dad’s heart. Now, when I see my dad, I have a whole new perspective.  The father I once hated with a passion, I now see with compassion.  God gave me a new perspective and with it, he gave me a heart of compassion.  Twenty years ago, I ran away from home to the city, to be as far away from my dad as possible. Now here I am twenty years later, a whole new person, living with my dad again.  I know God called me back to my parents house to complete a healing process for my family and I.  I am not perfect and still can get frustrated with the brokenness that pushed me away twenty years ago, but this time around God always softens my heart and gives me eyes to see my dad the way he does. Every time my heart gets filled with compassion and it is so much easier to navigate our imperfect relationship.

One important thing I learned about the healing process, is that God gave me his eyes by sharing his vision for me with the dream five years prior and when he lifted the veil after I forgave the men that hurt me, he gave me his heart to see my situation the way he does.  It is so much more powerful to see God’s vision with your heart than with your eyes. When you allow God to show you his vision for your life with your heart, it propels you so much further in life in making that vision a reality. I truly believe it is what God meant when he said he is bringing heaven down right here on earth.

Love in abundance,

Jamie